As I have started looking for a job, I have been swallowed by humanity’s eternal question ? What is my passion ? What will make me happy ?
The question of passion and happiness has started to seem like a elusive one . Neither the thousand ted talks on the internet nor the 50 years of life experience of my parents have been able to give me an answer .
As I try harder to find an answer on how to live life , I only get more confused . Life seems to be getting as I try to decide among being a bureaucrat , a diplomat or a musician .What is the work that will give me absolute joy and happiness in life ?
Maybe the answer to this question is not this straightforward . It is perhaps not this is not as one dimensional as I am ssuming it to be . Somebody once said ” No one has found happiness by looking too hard .” This sentence is starting to sound like a gospel truth to me .
I guess I am looking too hard for happiness with ‘my big dreams , big plans to take over the planet. ‘(cue Alessia cara) . I need to live a little mindlessly . Just go with the flow . Take life as it comes . Find joy in small things in life . Spending time with my family , talking to my friends and having a hearty dinner .
As I was writing the previous post I was wondering why am I never able to pursue a hobby or do anything fun?
Well my best guess right now is – procrastination. Every time I decide to take up a hobby, I keep thinking about it . How many blogs will I write , how many hours I will spend on it , what all comments will I get on my post and how wonderful it will be if I get famous because of it.
At the end I have derived the joy out of doing that activity without actually doing it . At first sight it sounds like a comfortable option. I get to feel like the best blogger , dancer singer , pianist and don’t have to work for it . But the problem is that the joy I derive out of this isn’t tangible or real .
More importantly, if my imagination can make me feel like a champ , it can make me feel like a loser too . This has started happening more often then not for me . So this time . I usually wake up from my own little world only to realise that reality is not the same . I start feeling empty , hopeless and rather useless.
So this time round , I will do things the right way . I will stay in the real world , put in the effort this hobby requires and then see where it takes me.
As my exams ended today , I decide to do something fun . I started off by writing a list of topics . I created a blog . All of this so that I could pursue my hearts desire – writing .
But now that I have created a blog, set aside a time and made up my mind to write . I don’t want to write . It has suddenly started feeling like a drudgery. I’d rather watch you tube or surf on the net. This is the same sequence of events that take place every time I think of picking up a hobby .
I always think of picking up a hobby when my exams start. During this time I’m forced to stop procrastinating and study for long hours . The result – I start contemplating about life. I soon come to the conclusion that all my life I’ll study , get a job, work all my life and that would be it . No excitement , no joy. As I keep thinking on this line, I end up at a dead end with the simple answer that life has no meaning
Usually at this stage my mom notices that something is wrong with me and talks to me about it . She tries to comfort me by telling me her own life story and that her key to happiness is me .This knocks some sense into me and I try to find some joy in life .
My answer to this meaningless abyss is pursuing a hobby . This is what brought me here. But right now it feel like too much work .